I just dont buy it....

I'm still blogging, still having troubles coming up with ideas to share, but its a work in progress right? Still no real readers, but I am working on that. My problem with having readers is that I doubt people. I doubt the intentions and sincerity of people now. I hate being like that, so its another on my "list"... however I think getting over this one is going to take more than just one week.
My trust in people was rattled, and left me truly doubting my former belief that people were good. They're not. That's not to say there are no good people left in the world, or that people can't change... but I am just not confident in the selfless good nature of people. Someone whom I would have thought lived a respectable life crossed a line. She went from being a woman to being much less, she became a thief trying to take my life. Sucks for me, because in some ways she succeeded and I will know for the rest of my life she has part of it that I can not ever get back. I don't believe she will ever understand just how truly nasty of a human she is.
Really, thats not the story of this post. Its my inability to trust simple gestures and statements from people. We just had our house painted, and when a neighbor said it looked great, in my head I think they hate it. I love to cook and bake, but don't invite people over to share in my creations. I am left thinking that no matter what they say, what I made is horrible. I used to love to paint, create and to be honest have lots of ideas in my head.. but in my head they stay because no matter what anyone says I wont believe them.
I just don't buy that people are honest. I believe that they will say or do anything as long as it has some personal, selfish benefit. Social graces included. When you go to someone's home you are suppose to say its lovely, or the paint color is perfect. If you get a new haircut social "rules" tell you to say it looks nice. To me, I just do not believe it.
Its no fun on this side of the fence. I liked it much, much more on the other. Believing that people were kind, and good and cared about others, even if you didn't know them.
Finding the sincerity in people is a big one for me. I hope that by the end of this year I will have found at least one new person in my life that I can actually believe in.