Being positive

I am wound tight, and when things aren't going the right way I get frustrated. I'm not a yelling mom, but I am an easily aggrivated one. This weeks challenge for me is to let that go. After a conversation with my husband, I realized that my frustration levels make him think I'm unhappy, and I'm not. Far from it actually. I'm fortunate to be a SAHM to three amazing children. I have a great life. This is the perfect week for me to work on my mommy grumbles because we are getting a puppy. A nine week old bundle of fur and energy. Oh yeah, this is going to go well for me... the one who gets uptight way too easily.

I just dont buy it....

I'm still blogging, still having troubles coming up with ideas to share, but its a work in progress right? Still no real readers, but I am working on that. My problem with having readers is that I doubt people. I doubt the intentions and sincerity of people now. I hate being like that, so its another on my "list"... however I think getting over this one is going to take more than just one week.
My trust in people was rattled, and left me truly doubting my former belief that people were good. They're not. That's not to say there are no good people left in the world, or that people can't change... but I am just not confident in the selfless good nature of people. Someone whom I would have thought lived a respectable life crossed a line. She went from being a woman to being much less, she became a thief trying to take my life. Sucks for me, because in some ways she succeeded and I will know for the rest of my life she has part of it that I can not ever get back. I don't believe she will ever understand just how truly nasty of a human she is.
Really, thats not the story of this post. Its my inability to trust simple gestures and statements from people. We just had our house painted, and when a neighbor said it looked great, in my head I think they hate it. I love to cook and bake, but don't invite people over to share in my creations. I am left thinking that no matter what they say, what I made is horrible. I used to love to paint, create and to be honest have lots of ideas in my head.. but in my head they stay because no matter what anyone says I wont believe them.
I just don't buy that people are honest. I believe that they will say or do anything as long as it has some personal, selfish benefit. Social graces included. When you go to someone's home you are suppose to say its lovely, or the paint color is perfect. If you get a new haircut social "rules" tell you to say it looks nice. To me, I just do not believe it.
Its no fun on this side of the fence. I liked it much, much more on the other. Believing that people were kind, and good and cared about others, even if you didn't know them.
Finding the sincerity in people is a big one for me. I hope that by the end of this year I will have found at least one new person in my life that I can actually believe in.

No Excuses

I'm trying to stick with the I hate blogging blog. It's still not my thing, but I must admit that I do have moments where an idea pops into my mind and I do think "Oh I should blog about that". Still, my thoughts and my actions are not quite inline just yet.
I've got to keep with the blogging though, its my no 1 on my list of 52. Number two came as a simple request from my husband. I think it was inspired by a lovely squabble we had during an outing to get ice cream. Any time you go for ice cream its suppose to be fun. This however was not. I wont get into the details, since thats not the purpose of the blog. His request was that I make no excuses for my umm.... misguided choices, under-thought out decisions, "bad behavior". Simple enough right? Sure, but I am an excuser. After all, there is always a reason. Ok, I get it, just an apology. So here I am with no excuses, just a simple "I am sorry". We'll see how week 2 goes. My guess is that he's on to something.

2 in one

Cleaning the kitchen and kids bath I was creating a simple mothers day wish list... since I know you are the only one who reads this blog, I figured it would be a great place to share that I would love 2 new toilets, and some raised flower beds. That got me thinking of how much life has changed. I've gone from Kate Spade diaper bags and a weekend at the Ritz complete with a new car (oh and lets not forget the beautiful blue boxes I've collected!) to desiring a new toilet... ahh well comfort.

All those thoughts made me think that I am not one for self promotion. Probably partly why I hate blogging. Am I to spread the word.. Hey, I've got this blog I think you should read. No, not for me. Funny thing is I really enjoy reading the blogs of my friends, but somehow I can not imagine anyone being interested in what I have to say. I've never been one for self promotion. I hated telling people my father was terminally ill... I still cringe when I am asked where my parents are. I don't sweeten the answer either. They're dead. I know that makes people uncomfortable, and I get that obliquitory "oh, I am sorry". Its all polite, and I appreicate the maners. But really? You don't know me. Its ok that you don't care.
Anyways, I never told people I was engaged. I was thrilled to be getting married, I just never figured out the right way to share it. Belting out "I am engaged" was never my style. Same with being pregnant, or new cars, great gifts from my husband... all of it I keep to myself.
Guess I have a new item on my 52 list... some shameless self promotion. You'll know I am successful if you are reading this. (no not you, the rest of em. )

So, a line in a book I am reading, described a female character's lips like couch cushions. Is this a good thing? Should I be desiring couch-esque lips? If they are anything like the couch that I am on now, I'm fairly confident I do not want them.

So many more important things to think about, yet the space in my head is occupied (at least for now) by couch-y lips.

Week 1 or I hate blogging....

I honestly dislike blogging. I write and delete posts frequently. I write and delete sentences (this is the 10th time I have written the third sentence in this post, which is the 4th first post) I just do not like to put myself "out there".

I have challenged myself to 52 "new" things for a year... or one new experience a week. It really can be anything, as long as I have never done it before. I'll count this blog as my first, so I guess I have to keep it up.

Did I mention... I hate blogging?